Snow falls slowly
Blanketing the ground in pure white
Pristine beauty astounds me
As the quietness surrounds me.
It is before day
The hustle and bustle has not yet begun
I awake and think of you
Smiling as I wonder what you would do
Seeing the snow out the window.
For myself the thought of snuggling up
A good book and a blanket, and of course you.
To forget the cold outside, and focus on the warmth.
So that's what I do, focus on the warmth you give me
My heart swells, and the warmth spreads to my extremities.
And all of that with just one thought.

These past few weeks have been rough, dealing with me hasn't been easy, and I wanted to reiterate that I am truly sorry for being a jerk, for being insensitive and selfish, and that I have come to the realization that we're going to have bumps in the road from time to time, its not always going to be smooth sailing, and you know what, I learned from it, and am still learning from it. I am learning that I am selfish, and I am learning that its not going to work if I continue to be selfish, to continue to be insensitive to her, so its going to change. I want her to feel as if she matters to me, because she does, she is my life, and I should treat her as she deserves to be treated.

I heard this song this morning and think it fits my realization this morning. And she has told me that we know we love each other, and we just need to believe in that to get us through this, and she's right.

THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS FOR (Amy Grant)

Sometimes, we make it harder than it is
We'll take a perfect night
And fill it up with words we don't mean
Dark sides best unseen
And we wonder why we're feeling this way

Sometimes, I wonder if we really feel the same
Why we can be unkind
Questioning the strongest of hearts
That's when we must start
Believing in the one thing
That has gotten us this far

(Chorus 1:)
That's what love is for
To help us through it
That's what love is for
Nothing else can do it
Melt our defenses
Bring us back to our senses
Give us strength to try once more
Baby, that's what love is for

Sometimes, I see you, and you don't know I am there
And I'm washed away
By emotions I hold deep down inside
Getting stronger with time
It's living through the fire
And holding on we find

(Repeat chorus 1)

Believing in the one thing
That has gotten us this far

(Chorus 2:)
That's what love is for
To help us through it
That's what love is for
Nothing else can do it
Round off the edges
Talk us down from the ledges
Give us strength to try once more
Baby, that's what love is for

That's what love is for
That's what love is for
Melt our defenses
Bring us back to our senses
Give us strength to try once more
Baby, that's what love is for

That's what love is for
(That's what love is for)
That's what love is for
(Ooh, nothing else can do i)

Baby girl, I love you, and I will always love you, until time ceases to exist. And that is what love is for, for us to hold on to when times get tough.

Secondhand Serenade- A Twist to My Story

 

Slow down, the world isn't watching us break down
It's safe to say we are alone now, we're alone now
Not a whisper, the only noise is the receiver
I'm counting the seconds until you break the silence
So please just break the silence

The whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

And I'm longing, for words to describe how I'm feeling
I'm feeling inspired
My world just flip turned upside down
It turns around, say what's that sound
It's my heart beat, it's getting much louder
My heart beat, is stronger than ever
I'm feeling so alive, I'm feeling so alive

My whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
That's what you get
When you see your life in someone else's eyes
That's what you get, that's what you get

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you
So you see, This world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

Sitting here listening to this song made me think of us, think of the times we've been through. All of the time we've spent together, all the ups and downs we've had, but one thing remains constant in our lives boo, and that's our love.

All of the things in this world mean nothing to me, compared to what you mean to me. And I know this because I want for nothing but time to spend with you, to tell you how I feel about you, and mostly for the time when we get to be together, which will happen at the perfect moment, when its destined to. You are the only want I have, and that you are in my life is the biggest privelege and honor ever. Thank you for gracing my life with your heart, and your soul, for being just the person you are, and for loving me like you do.

In a few short days we will have been together for 11 months. Almost a year has gone by since we gave each other our hearts. and since then we've gotten to know each other so well, we've grown together, and laughed together, and cried together, and boo, I want to share times like we've shared so far for the rest of our lives. I want to make you happy for the rest of our lives, I want to always be like we are, always talking about everything, always loving, always working through everything. For that will always be the best gift anyone has or ever will give me, and that was the gift of you, of your heart, and your soul, and I am still in awe of how that gift has impacted my life, and changed my life. And I plan on spending the rest of our lives showing you that.

Mahal na mahal kita binibini.

Always and always yours,

Cricket

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I love you, and I love us. I am a bit sappy today, and heard this song and it made me smile and think of you. Its amazing how we came together, at the perfect moment, and came to be what we are today, together. Boo, there's nothing that will hold us back, no obstacle we can't overcome together. I fall more in love with you as each day passes by, because we have each other, we have something that far surpasses anything I've ever wanted and needed, and I cherish each and every second.

Thank you for being just who you are. And thank you for loving me just like you do, you mean the world to me and i really cant imagine my life without you.

Mahal kita baby girl

Why is it that just when you think you are patient, something happens to show you that you really aren't? Why is it that no matter how much I want the summer to get here already, it just wont hurry up and get here? I know it all has to do with being patient, and knowing that good things are coming, just a little bit longer. There is nothing I want more than to be with her, to experience new things with her, and just do everyday things with her. The smallest of things will be so amazing with her. We have yet to do something as small as walk along together, be able to look into each other's eyes, things just as simple as be able to glance at one another. It is frustrating to no end sometimes, it makes me want to pull my hair out. It makes me crazy sometimes, and it drives me insane as well. (Those are two different things.)

I'm missing her today, I'm just missing being in her presence. And I know it may sound odd, seeing as we've never met face to face. But I miss her, I miss her touch, her smile, her embrace, her kiss, the feel of her fingers entwined with mine. I msis her...if that makes any sense at all. I miss her laugh, and the way she says certain things, I miss seeing the look on her face when I tell her why I love her, I miss the way she fidgets as we talk, constantly moving. I miss the way she does everything, albeit odd that I know what everything is, but I know I know.

She always asks me why I miss her, everyday when I tell her I do.  And it never fails to make me smile, to know she already knows why, but yet she loves to hear me tell her why. Most of the reason I miss her is because I know her so well, and I feel like I already know what it would feel like face to face, you know, what it would feel like to be able to snuggle into her embrace and to kiss her lips. I miss her because she is my home, and when I'm not with her, I feel like a foreigner, like I don't know the language, like I'm not in my element, which I'm not. She understands me and I her. That's why we are like we are. And that is why I miss her, even when I'm with her.

Well I better wrap this up, my break is almost over. Just over an hour before I get to go home to her, I can hardly wait to be with her again, to be able to talk to her for a awhile,to be able to finally relax after a long day.

 

I've been sitting here thinking about what to write, and I am completely at a loss.

We've had our sahre of misunderstandings, of bumpy roads, but this time its more. I've done the one thing that would push her away frther than ever before. I've hurt her more than ever before. And there is no excuse for it. There is no excuse for the way I've acted, for the way I've treated her and hurt her. And I am sorry, but sorry is not good enough, there really is no making up for what I've done. I've thrown her trust of me out the window, and now must earn it again. And that is what I intend to do. I want to be the one she runs to, can't wait to see, the one who brings the smile to her face, and to her heart. I miss her, I miss talking to her about everything, and anything, and nothing at the same time. Not that I deserve to miss her, for I have done this.

This morning, she asked me why i am taking things away from her, for her to see me, for me to smile and for me to take care of myself...and she's right. We are already having a rough time, why make it worse than it already is? I am so pig headed sometimes, and that needs to stop, I need to take responsibility for myself, and for my actions. I will have to show her through my actions now that I do love her, that she is the one that I want to spend my life with. She is the one that gets me, and I her. Its times like this that we really learn about one another, things we havent seen before.

I am thankful, even in this. For you see, she is still steadfast. She has said that no matter what happens, she will always be here for me. And I know that's true, but I don't want anymore bad to happen, I want us to get through this, I want her to trust me again, to know she has my respect, my adoration, and my love. Because she does have all of those things, and so much more.She has me, all of me, and she always will.

To you, my beloved Crimson

I have done you wrong, and hurt you, and for this I am truly and deeply sorry. Apologizing is not enough, for I know that I have to show you that I am, not just say that I am.  I will do just that, somehow I will show you that you are everything to me, and that I am truly remorseful for ever treating you like I didn't respect you as a person, or as the love of my life. I will fight for you, and for us, just as I've always said I would. I love you, I always have and I always will, that will never change, not for the rest of time as we know it., and even after that, for our souls are connected, our hearts intertwined.

I'm sorry for hurting you, and for making you think I don't care about you, and your feelings. I do, and I have the whole time. I will show you that I do, in my actions from now on, for I don't want to push you farther, I want you to come closer again, back to us, not back, but moving forward as us, together, weathering the storms together, hand in hand.

I love you.

yours for always,

Cricket

Oh - thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free
Now nothin' can take you away from me
We've been down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more

Chorus

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it here in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

Oh - once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down
Ya-nothin' could change what you mean to me
Oh there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way

Chorus

I've been waitin' for so long
For somethin' to arrive
For love to come along
Now our dreams are comin' true
Through the good times and the bad
Ya - I'll be standin' there by you

 

Listening to this song right now, and missing you, missing you more than I ever have before. Missing your touch, and your kiss, and the look in your eyes, and all fo these things I've not yet experienced, in the flesh yes anyway, but nonetheless missing it, and missing you.

The line...."baby you're all that I want"...hits me especially right now, you are all I want, and all I need, boo, you're everything to me. I wish it was time to be together now, that moment when we won't have to say goodbye upon us already.  But I will be patient, for it is not that much longer, the day is coming, it will be here before we know it.

Back to work for now...I'll try to write more later...

It's funny how perspective changes when something tragic happens, how its all of a sudden important that you tell your friends, your family, your significant other how much they really mean to you, how much you need them in your life, and how blessed you are because of them.

I drove the usual 65 miles yesterday to the town I grew up in, and on the way, I began to think. I looked around as I often do as I'm driving, and I realize I'm noticing things I don't usually notice. There were horses grazing in the frosty field, still white from the overnight, and you could see the breath exploding from their nostrils. I smiled as I saw that, and memories flooded my head of my past experiences with horses, how much I enjoy working with them, how I would like someday to work them again. Now it isn't something I have to do everyday, or even often, just a little bit would be nice. I think I'll put that on my to do list.

A few miles farther down the road, I noticed the foliage, how the color was sneaking onto the trees, changing the usual greens to yellows and oranges and reds. I don't usually notice this, I've lived in this area my whole life, well the region really, and its fall, it happens. But the colors spoke to me, they filled my senses, and calmed me. I was not really looking forward to saying goodbye to yet another person in my life. It was almost as if she spoke to me, showing me the beauty of this world we live in, showing me that just because she's no longer with us, there's still beauty, and we should enjoy the beauty, we should embrace what we see and make the most of the life we are living, to love with everything we have, for life is too short.

I got to the little church to attend the services, and stepped out of the car, and my mother and father pulled up just as we did, and it hit me that the situation was real, I didn't want to accept it, but as I walked up to my mom, and gave her a hug, it was real. I can't begin to understand the grief of losing a parent, but it hit me hard nonetheless.

And you know what? My mother is so strong, she's a pillar of strength to those around her. I didn't realize it until she broke down, and so did the rest of us. I held her and told her I loved her, and that we were all there for her today, and everyday, all she ever had to do was ask. It was an emotional day, I was exhausted as I drove home, thinking about the day, and hoping she would be alright. I tried calling her when I got home, but my father said she had gone to lay down, and was sleeping for the first time in a couple days.

The tiredness has passed over into today, but its not quite as bad. Being strong is sometimes draining, but I know I needed to be yesterday, I could not lose it in front of everyone like I wanted to do, perhaps the finality of it all will hit me today, or soon, because it has not yet.

I am not really getting anything done today, I wish I could just curl up, and relax, soon I will be able to, in just a few short hours I will be able to. I can't wait to get home to the one who makes everything okay, to the one who makes my gray skies blue again, my Sunshine, my boo, my everything.

Mahal na mahal kita.

"One Step At A Time"

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus]

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

[Chorus x2]

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Listening to this song makes me smile, because having faith is what needs to happen. I know impatience is something I struggle with, if only this and if only that...but being patient has its benefits as well. Being patient allows us to know each other better, to take that time to know what we want, what we need, and what we can give to the other.

One step at a time, one day at a time, time is precious, we should cherish the time we have, because we get to be together, we get to talk everyday, we get to spend time together, and we get to fall more in love.

Thank you for being just who you are, and letting me see each and every facet of you, for letting me see the many sides of you, and for letting me love you like I do. I know that things aren't always easy, and aren't always fun, but in the long run we will be together, we will love and honor each other, we will always come back to us.

Mahal na mahal kita boo.